Before I left my husband, a dear friend from school sent me a quote from Maya Angelou.It said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them—the first time!
After four and half pages of undeniable facts, I realized that there was no longer any question of whether or not I could stay with him. When you live with an addict, you are never quite certain about reality. By writing down the facts as they happened, he could not come back to me later with his own version of the truth.We withdrew direct financial support: no more enabling him with money handouts, no matter how small.However, he was always well fed when he visited and we always took food with us when we visited him.People on the fence about leaving – listen to yourself.
For the love of God, listen to your inner voice saying 'this is not ok' and 'this is abuse', listen to your migraines, insomnia and anxiety attacks, listen to your kids, and to your bank account and to your sense of right and wrong, and to the angry person you've become.There will always be another excuse, another mistake, another relapse, another addiction or anger about a parent’s addiction that they need their lifetime and yours to get over. When my husband first relapsed after his mother died, my well-meaning Christian father told me to “just love him.” But that’s the problem with the addict; the more you love, the more they take of you and everything else, until there’s nothing left to give. While most other people tried to be polite, or pray for me, their comments seemed to gently gloss over what was actually happening. I can do better.” Instead, I stayed, w—a—y too long. Both the addict and the co-dependent will do anything to hide their sense of inadequacy.